figaro: (Murder By Numbers)
[personal profile] figaro
First off, I want to apologize for being a terrible DW/LJ friend. I have such loyal followers and friends who read my crap, and I have been falling so behind my friends list that I'm not returning the favor. I'm going to catch up soon, so prepare for belated comments that may be irrelevant at this point.

I copied a tweet I came across on Twitter a couple months ago:

I've got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I'm stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.

This is hilarious because it's true. I've come to the realization that I need to lighten up. Not for the friends I've been a little too intense around at times, but for me. This is going to be tough, and I'm going to stumble and not be perfect right away, but this is something I desperately want to improve about myself. I put too much thought into things that don't deserve thinking about, and I worry, a lot of times for nothing. It weighs on me, and it weighs on my relationships.

I could blame this on my insecurities, and my past leaving me vulnerable, but why focus on how I got the problems I have? I'd rather focus on fixing them, or at least trying. I was talking to a friend tonight about my decision to lighten up, and he asked me if I've ever ran my friends off with my insecurities. I haven't as far as I know, but it's definitely a fear I have, and I never want to. Everyone has their own problems, their own issues, and their own insecurities, and I know I'm not unique in having mine -- my friends have issues of their own that I put up with like my friends put up with mine, because in the end good people are worth sticking around for. 

Still, I want to improve. If I ever stop bettering myself, I should stop living. I think we learn more about ourselves every single day, and become stronger as human beings because of our experiences and what we learn to deal with. Learning to lighten up isn't going to solve all of my problems or rid me of all of my insecurities, but it's my next personal project, and it's a great start in living happier.
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June 2013

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Figaro is the personal journal of Todd, a 20-something nerd from Kansas. I don't take myself nor this journal too seriously.