Jun. 6th, 2013

A Better Me

Jun. 6th, 2013 10:52 pm
figaro: (Extra Happy - Animorphs)
I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately -- emotionally, mentally, and physically.

My no-stress project is going along wonderfully. I've tried really hard to stop sweating the small stuff, and this will sound awful, but my secret to success in this area is not caring. If someone doesn't want to talk to me or see me, why should I care? I figured it out late last week. This has been easier said than done, but I'm doing a really good job. I've had the occasional stomach knots, but I've kept them to myself, thought the situations out, and made myself just not give a shit. The way I see it, there are going to be people in my life who want to spend time with me, and connect emotionally with me, and I'm going to have these awesome relationships without me feeling like I have to force myself on people. The people who have drifted or are drifting just aren't worth me trying to hang on to. If I end up with a bunch of fair weather friends, so be it.

I'm going to get over this insecurity of not being wanted. I hung with a group last weekend, and it was kind of awkward having lunch with them because they were all making plans for the summer around me, without including me, and it was like I was watching this elite group I can't be part of. I felt like an outsider. I just thought to myself, these people have been friends for years and years, and it's not me... I'm just new. As long as they keep planning things without me, I'll always be new. That made my not caring thing kicked in. Why should I care if these people want me around? It's not something I can control, so why sweat it? I'd like to fit in, and I put myself out there and try to talk to people, but if I don't fit in in the end, it's them not including me, not me holding myself back, and it's not like I don't have friends of my own. I just wanted to make more... It's hard being the new guy, and an outsider, and I don't normally put myself in situations like that for that reason. I'm proud of myself for how I was able to calm my insecurities myself. Stressing over shit like that just isn't worth it.

Work has been going great even though I've hard more time off than normal. This week I have over time, so it'll make up for the light week last week. I've been reading, and I've really been thinking a lot about picking my writing back up. To focus on my writing was one of the reasons I left GameStop. I've been kind of just living life and getting used to my new job. I move later this month, and I think after that I'm going to really make an effort to start writing regularly. It's what I want to do with my life.

I've been working out since January. I think this is the longest I've kept it up. My secret now is no weights. Having to go to the gym became a chore in the past, so this time I decided to try to pick up a work-out regimen I could do from home. I own an Iron Gym, which is basically just a bar I can hang from the door to do pull-ups. It has handles on it I can hold to do perfect push-ups. I also put the bar in the door to hold my feet in place for sit-ups. My work out is generally one of the following: 1) 25 push-ups, 35 sit-ups, 20 push-ups, 2) 10 pull-ups, 50 sit-ups, 5 pull-ups, or 3) 25 push-ups, 10 pull-ups. I run as well, but I don't have a schedule for it and just do it when I feel like it and have time for it. I'm starting to look really good, if I can say so myself.

Working out

I'm feeling more confident, more energetic, and just healthier.

I've considered going to the gym and starting weights, but I think I'm looking pretty good without the weights, and I know the weights will just burn me out. I want to look toned and show a little muscle under my shirt. I don't want to be huge like a body builder.

June 2013

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About

Figaro is the personal journal of Todd, a 20-something nerd from Kansas. I don't take myself nor this journal too seriously.