A Better Me

Jun. 6th, 2013 10:52 pm
figaro: (Extra Happy - Animorphs)
I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately -- emotionally, mentally, and physically.

My no-stress project is going along wonderfully. I've tried really hard to stop sweating the small stuff, and this will sound awful, but my secret to success in this area is not caring. If someone doesn't want to talk to me or see me, why should I care? I figured it out late last week. This has been easier said than done, but I'm doing a really good job. I've had the occasional stomach knots, but I've kept them to myself, thought the situations out, and made myself just not give a shit. The way I see it, there are going to be people in my life who want to spend time with me, and connect emotionally with me, and I'm going to have these awesome relationships without me feeling like I have to force myself on people. The people who have drifted or are drifting just aren't worth me trying to hang on to. If I end up with a bunch of fair weather friends, so be it.

I'm going to get over this insecurity of not being wanted. I hung with a group last weekend, and it was kind of awkward having lunch with them because they were all making plans for the summer around me, without including me, and it was like I was watching this elite group I can't be part of. I felt like an outsider. I just thought to myself, these people have been friends for years and years, and it's not me... I'm just new. As long as they keep planning things without me, I'll always be new. That made my not caring thing kicked in. Why should I care if these people want me around? It's not something I can control, so why sweat it? I'd like to fit in, and I put myself out there and try to talk to people, but if I don't fit in in the end, it's them not including me, not me holding myself back, and it's not like I don't have friends of my own. I just wanted to make more... It's hard being the new guy, and an outsider, and I don't normally put myself in situations like that for that reason. I'm proud of myself for how I was able to calm my insecurities myself. Stressing over shit like that just isn't worth it.

Work has been going great even though I've hard more time off than normal. This week I have over time, so it'll make up for the light week last week. I've been reading, and I've really been thinking a lot about picking my writing back up. To focus on my writing was one of the reasons I left GameStop. I've been kind of just living life and getting used to my new job. I move later this month, and I think after that I'm going to really make an effort to start writing regularly. It's what I want to do with my life.

I've been working out since January. I think this is the longest I've kept it up. My secret now is no weights. Having to go to the gym became a chore in the past, so this time I decided to try to pick up a work-out regimen I could do from home. I own an Iron Gym, which is basically just a bar I can hang from the door to do pull-ups. It has handles on it I can hold to do perfect push-ups. I also put the bar in the door to hold my feet in place for sit-ups. My work out is generally one of the following: 1) 25 push-ups, 35 sit-ups, 20 push-ups, 2) 10 pull-ups, 50 sit-ups, 5 pull-ups, or 3) 25 push-ups, 10 pull-ups. I run as well, but I don't have a schedule for it and just do it when I feel like it and have time for it. I'm starting to look really good, if I can say so myself.

Working out

I'm feeling more confident, more energetic, and just healthier.

I've considered going to the gym and starting weights, but I think I'm looking pretty good without the weights, and I know the weights will just burn me out. I want to look toned and show a little muscle under my shirt. I don't want to be huge like a body builder.

figaro: (Extra Happy - Animorphs)
I started back at the Augusta Dillons today. That was the store I was the Kompass rep for three years ago. For the most part, returning was pretty good. There was this guy named David who is about my age and ahead of the Produce Department there. He left Dillons for some time and just returned himself. He told me he is happy I am back, which felt awesome. There is another guy named Brandon who is about my age too, who works there. He remembered me as well and smiled when I walked in the door. Brandon actually seems really awesome. I remember liking him the last time I was there, but I was too shy to initiate anything other than work conversation at the time. I'll have to remedy that this time.

Kathy, who is apparently Bitch #1 at Dillons to most people, was a sweetheart to me like she always has been. She didn't like a number of Kompass reps that were sent to that store (who all ultimately did not work out as a result) but was happy to see me and expressed how happy she is to finally have a good Kompass person again. I try to go above and beyond for stores to make their sections look perfect, because I want to make them look good, which makes me look good, and strengthens my relationship with them. Today, I changed every single shelf strip on the bread aisle, which was a pain in the ass -- a point my coworker made abundantly clear ALL DAY -- but several people commented on how much better the aisle looks, and Kathy said it's evident I care.

The new store manager was really the only negative part of my whole day. The store is between department heads for some reason, so I had to get him to check off my sets and help me with locating items I needed, and assisting with problems that arose, and he made it seem like it was the biggest annoyance to have to stop and help me. I'm sure it was, but damn, there was no one else, and he wouldn't let any of his sales associates sign off on anything. At one point he said jokingly, "So this is how it's going to be, huh, Todd?" when I had to get him to print a planogram for me... I told him when he gets department heads, I'll bother them instead. Still, I'm aggravated that he was annoyed.

Work is still amazing. My boss approved me for overtime this week, which I'll end up having to use to get two stores* done this week. I definitely could use the Overtime hours after my shitty hours last week.

*A Kompass rep is out with cancer, and I'm covering her store as well as mine until she gets back.
figaro: (Megazord - Power Rangers)
I made a new friend on my first day of work. His name is Jacob, and he's the grocery manager of the first store I visited this week. We've been texting back and forth, and after making plans to hang out, I wanted to let him know I'm gay, so there's not that awkward "oh yeah, I'm gay," moment later on. I always struggle when it comes to this, because I don't act gay, and people can't tell unless I tell them. I don't like advertising it, but I won't lie about it, so if someone asks or needs to know, I let them know. Me going to his house to play games alone with him? And then him adding me on Facebook, where he most assuredly will find out on his own?  I felt it was best if I told him. His reaction was awesome. And our conversation afterward:

Jacob:
 Dude, that's cool. Sexuality means nothing to me. Or my friends, so don't worry about that.

And when you do finally hang out with my group, which you will, let's be honest, you won't ever be judged.

Me: I'm... also a Power Ranger. And an Animorph.

Jacob: See, this is why you'd fit in so well with my friends. lol

Me: Lol, I am serious. Don't tell anyone. The yeerks will find me.

My new job is going amazingly well. I've visited two stores so far, and both stores had people asking me if I could be their Kompass rep, as they don't like their current one, and well, I'm awesome. ;) I have a really great work relationship with my boss, Brian, too, who has called me and asked me to do a couple last minute projects for him so far. I always do what Brian asks because he takes care of me, and I like being his right hand guy. He's the reason I'm even back at this job. I would still be at HellStop.

My last two weeks at GameStop were torture, and officially the slowest two weeks of my life, but I won't dwell on them; they're over now. I did let loose during my exit interview. The HR manager had a lot to type, lol. I figure even if I'm not there anymore, I want to better the working conditions for my friends who are still there, and my staff.

We've found two apartments we like so far. The one I'm leaning toward is $605 a month. I want to see if we can find one even cheaper, though, so we'll still look for a while.

Sorry for being a horrible DW/LJ friend lately. During my last two weeks at GameStop, I was kind of dead after work, so I haven't been reading/commenting/updating like I do. I will catch up soon.

Game Over

Apr. 12th, 2013 10:58 pm
figaro: (Extra Happy - Animorphs)
The Game Stopped!

More later.
figaro: (Figaro - Final Fantasy VI)
This entry is going to jump around a lot.

Shane and I visited this awesome apartment community today. I fell in love right away. We looked at a two-bedroom model with a fireplace, hardwood floors, and washer and dryer hook-ups. The place is only about $150 less than our current place, though, which is a town home with three floors. I'm looking to save a little more by moving. Dammit, it was so perfect, though. It even has a fenced dog park on property, where Helo and Huck would be able to run around without leashes. Back to looking, I guess. :(

I return back to work at HellStop tomorrow, where as Lori once wrote on my Facebook, the game don't stop, haha. So true. Just ten more days of this place. I can do it.

While I was on vacation, I redesigned my main domain, Nightbringer.net. For those that haven't known me as long, I build websites. Nightbringer is my home on the web and houses all of the sites I run -- several Final Fantasy tributes, something to a character from Chrono Trigger, a fansite to Knuckles from Sonic the Hedgehog, a tribute to a manga character, and a Drew Barrymore fansite. I'm a dork. Anyway, I tried something different and created a layout for every page. I'm pretty proud of it.

Continuing my Final Fantasy theme countdown, my seventh favorite song is...

Get ready to get hit hard. )

June 2013

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About

Figaro is the personal journal of Todd, a 20-something nerd from Kansas. I don't take myself nor this journal too seriously.